


it's okay

by sleepingatnight



Category: No. 6 - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Rape, mentions of inukashi - Freeform, nezumi returning, puppies are there too it's lit, shions pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 12:36:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6907528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepingatnight/pseuds/sleepingatnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>nezumi has returned to shion, but nothing is the same. but they'll be okay, they always have been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's okay

being around the person you love for so long reminds you of the little things. like how their feet look in black socks, or how when they're asleep you can see their laugh lines. being around nezumi for so long has reminded me of the small things that i've learned to love and appreciate. how he would save me a warm hoodie, or saving me soup and warming it up once i've come back from washing inukashi's dogs for the day.

moments where it seems that we're the last people alive on the earth, it usually feels as if we are. 

i used to think the room we have made a home out of was too small for two, but have learned it's big enough for two in love. 

when woken from a nightmare, and feeling his arms wrap around mine tighter to reassure me that, yes, someone is here with you. you are not alone. moments like those never fail to make me feel more alive that ever. to rest my head on his pale chest, hearing his erratic heartbeat. i'm reminded that, yes, there is someone who loves you just as much as you love them.

tracing my thin fingers onto his hip bone, and up his side, all the way to his broad collarbone, and resting on his neck. dipping my head to his, our soft lips touching in the hours of dawn. no need for spoken words, we can read what we want to say in our eyes. and when i look up and see dilated pupils, and a dark shade of grey, i'm reminded that yes, you're real. you're alive. 

looking up into your beautiful eyes, that are staring down into mine of crimson that you've somehow found a home in, i can see so much pain. you've drug it all this way, i've stayed with you through it all. you've got this, we'll make it, it's going to be okay i say when you think everything is going to end. thinking, this is it. this is my fate, i've lived a good life. i'm there to remind you that it isn't the end, and we'll make it. we're going to make it, hand in hand, and smiling to ourselves thinking that the world is a bitch. but we lived.

how have you not grown tired of my goodbye kisses, i do not have an answer to. they're not actual goodbyes, they're i'll see you later kisses. a tender reminder that i will be back. and you will be standing there, smiling that i did come back and haven't left yet.

no one would have guessed that you would be the one to actually leave. inukashi saying you've grown soft, you were always soft when in my touch. your milky skin, and pretty pink lips were always soft. your warm grey eyes were always soft. what are they talking about? you've grown soft? you've always been soft. always will be. with me.

you taught me the most valuable lesson, i will never forget it. you weren't some old man lecturing me, that i had to pay a fortune for. you told me by accident, maybe i wasn't supposed to know this vital information. but i know, and i will never forget.

they laughed at me, for writing you letters each day you were gone. they called me pitiful, and stupid. that you were gone for good, that no one is going to love an airhead like me. i'm ripping out my hair, you told me it was nice hair. but now it's gone. oh well, when you're back it will have grown out.

i'm talking to my shadows. they don't like my company, but i seek comfort in their darkness. it's nice to sit in the cold at an ungodly hour. you would've called me stupid, you're going to get frostbite silly. out stretched your soft, warm hand. i'd take it and we'd walk back into our home. or room. or whatever you'd want to call it. but i sit still in the cold, numb. numb numb numb, it's all i feel. it's nice.

you taught me a valuable lesson. people are warm when alive, when they're breathing. i didn't understand at first, thinking you were crazy. but now i get it. 

and you've been dead a while. 

but have never felt more like a burning sun when i touched you. 

i must thank you for teaching me how to live. whether it's remembering to feed myself, to bathe, to get up from bed each day. or if it's running in the shops like a toddler on a sugar high. or if it's my soft lips tracing your skin, in places where no one can see except me. those are moments i want to live in.

you did come back. it wasn't how i imagined. i thought i would have to be the emotional one, crying for you to stay. but here you are, holding me so tight i think i might burst. oh god, how could i have left you? you whisper in my ear. how long has it been baby? it's been 3 years nezumi. oh god, how could i do this to you, you deserve someone so much better than me. please let me stay with you again. and i will smile a little, and say okay. 

i didn't imagine that you'd back me against the wall, our mouths connected and kissing roughly. it wasn't how i imagined, but i loved every minute of it. all my aching feelings in my chest were gone, washed away. i felt free. oh god shion, i'll never leave you again. licking my peppermint stripe that cascades down my body. i will sigh in relief, nezumi, and pant. our clothes will be ditched somewhere, it doesn't matter where they are. all that matters is my skin against yours, where it should be.

it wasn't sad sex, it was i miss you sex. if that's a type of sex. you're so beautiful, you say as my head is resting on your chest. my breath still hasn't slowed down, i never want it to. i love this feeling, we're the only people in the world, just how it should be. i didn't notice the tears slipping out my eyes, betraying my own feelings. nezumi didn't seem to mind, wiping them away and his eyes starting to tear up as well. we'll be okay, he says. oh i hope it's true.

the next day we're a brand new book, with a fresh cover and nice ink bleeding into the pages. running throughout the market, getting yelled at by an old man no one knows the name of, hand in hand. we stop for a breather, and your hands reach down, holding onto both sides of my face and our lips collide. we were made for each other it seems, our bodies melt together. hey! get out of here you horny teenagers! someone yells at us, we laugh it off, it's okay if they don't know that we're almost 20. it's okay because they don't know us. it's okay. 

another one of inukashi's dogs have died. he was a fluffy cocoa dog, no one knows the breed names anymore. i can't stop crying, the feeling in my chest is known too well. but there's something different, there's a pair of warm arms wrapping around my waist, and a head in the crook of my neck. don't cry for others, it says. i know it's right. i turn around and meet the eyes of the person i love. his hands reach out to wipe my tears, it'll be okay please stop crying love, he says. i nod, wrapping my arms around his waist, and i hold him tightly. why can't everyday be his warmth, his scent. oh what would i do if he were to be gone.

i wish that question were to never be answered. that is the only wish i have, i've never been greedy. god, man in the sky, even though you've been forgotten like the walls from the utopia that once was before me, please answer this prayer. please don't let me be alone, without nezumi, the man i've come to love. 

x

foreign hands grab my arms. who are you?! i yell. they aren't listening to me. they drag me to a dark room. where am i? where are they taking me? who are they? my clothes are being dragged off my skin, it feels wrong. where is nezumi? why isn't he saving me? i don't want to do this anymore. is this the real world that nezumi said i should be afraid for? the world that's worse than whores taking me into the dark alley, and sending a hitman after us for not paying for a kiss? i don't want her, or anyone else's kisses. i want nezumi. where is he? i can't stop screaming, i haven't noticed that i was screaming. their sour mouth is pressed to mine, i want to throw up. shion, throw up. kick them. do something! all i feel is numb. i'm back in the place i was, when nezumi left. all i feel is cold. cold. and all i see is darkness. 

and it's nice.

i hear a door open, and a yell. who the fuck are you?! get off of him! suddenly, i'm pulled out of this trans. nezumi is here. that is his voice. he saved me once again. nostalgia fills my head, and i smiled. whoever was on top of me is now gone, and there's crimson leaking from his body onto the floorboards. but all i care about is nezumi. itms okay shion, are you hurt? no, i'm not. why are you concerned? you never were before. maybe this is the soft that inukashi spoke of. 

after nezumi brings me back to our home, he cleans me off. he's crying. don't cry for others zumi, i say. he sobs more, i'm sorry shion. why are you sorry? you didn't deserve that. deserve what? i can't remember. why can't i remember? all i know is that there's soap going down my right leg, it itches. all my body itches, my skin feels nasty. like it's not my own. who am i? nezumi, there's something wrong. what's wrong shion? my skin feels gross, i need to keep scrubbing. maybe if i scrubbed my skin off, it'd be better.

ever since that day, i take too many baths. I scratch at the skin that's on my bones, i don't know who's skin this is but it doesn't feel like my own. i feel dirty, wrong. and in the dark hours of the night, the bed shakes and a quivering body next to me weeps. don't cry for others, it once said. it betrayed itself.

shion, my heart aches for you each day. are you okay shion? are you getting enough water? are you hungry? you look pale shion. how do you feel? does your skin feel dirty still? that's the third time i've had to get more soap in the past two weeks shion, are you sure you're okay? do you want to see inukashi's new puppies? they say they're cute. do you want some soup? 

nezumi cares. he said he'd never want to get close to me. ever since that day, he is cautious to touch me. i want to be touched. that man wasn't nezumi, i'm not stupid. i want nezumi to hold my hand, to kiss every part of me that itches. 

he says i break his heart every time he sees me. i'm sorry nezumi, i don't mean to. don't be sorry shion, you're okay. you're going to be okay. i might not be okay, but i will always listen to you shion. tell me if you need something. i need you to kiss me nezumi. and he does. it's soft at first, but switches to a faster pace. his tongue swipes across my bottom lip, this is nothing like that one man. oh this is so much better, i've missed this so much. i missed the old nezumi, the dickhead who didn't care what anyone thought. my nezumi. the only sounds i hear is our lips moving and soft moans, and all i feel is bliss. i love this man so much, and i tell him. i love you too shion, i'm so in love with you. 

the next day, i feel so happy. i want to go outside. i want to see inukashi's new puppies. nezumi, let's go somewhere. an adventure by chance? it's snowing shion, what can we possibly do outside. let's play in the snow, silly. okay, he smiles at me. it wasn't a sad smile. it was an i missed you smile.

i missed me too.

**Author's Note:**

> hey omg this is my first fic on here, had this idea for a while. leave a kudos if it's nice i guess.
> 
> how did nezumi find shion We'll Never Know


End file.
